It was the alcohol. I don’t blame it for controlling my actions as some will, but I do blame it for lowering my inhibitions enough to take the step ...hat would change the next two years of my life. When we leaned in for what had become the customary hug, I turned my head and caught his lips with mine. I could smell his aftershave and the beer on his breath. A cool breeze ruffled my skirt as I stood on tiptoes to reach him. The kiss went on for a moment or two before he stopped me, pushing me. By which I mean naked. And thenI'll leave you to find your way home. Imagine how glad you'll be to seeme after you finally get back. And how eager you'll be to convince menot to do that again. I'm sure you'll find all sorts of ways todemonstrate your cooperativeness." He chuckled. "I've played that gamewith other guys. It's fun to hear them talk about how they had to hidefrom hikers and sneak past campsites. But that's all for later. Rightnow we have to consummate our trial marriage."I. "And I smile again, but it's not a happy smile, it's a we-both-know-she's-not-coming smile. And she looks down, because she knows I'm right. I take a deep breath and flex my shredded hand, which is now all nicely wrapped up. It's funny how you know that on the inside it's a mess, all shredded skin and exposed bone and everything, but when it's all wrapped up like this, it looks like nothing. It looks fine. And I guess that's symbolic or something, but I never paid too much attention in. I released the tongue of his zip and held it, momentarily hesitating, expecting his rejection. There was none. All the sounds of the train and the world around us were blotted-out as my heart pounded in my ears and I was possessed of this young man, held for the moment only by the tongue of his zip between my fingers. In one slow but steady move, I pulled the zip all the way down as far as it would go and held my breath. Again I hesitated, expecting resistance. But again, there was none. There.
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