My Mum and Dad had taken the news about my being gay muchbetter than I had expected; they had even coped with learning that theirson was a cross-dress...r. I couldn?t avoid the fact, however, that myparents were more conservative than Gavin?s and that if we went toScarborough we would be restricted in terms of what we could do, as Mumand Dad would always be worrying that one or other of their friends mightsee us wearing skirts and be disapproving. In Shrewsbury we could be muchmore open in our. ”“Okay, okay, okay,” I said, chuckling and holding up a hand. “So you’re worried we’ll finish the program and send you back to your grandmother, and that’d be it?”“Yes. I mean,” she started and then paused, digging the toe of her shoe into the floor. “What happens if I go back, and I backslide. I’ve kicked it before; and every time, once I got back in my old life, I’d just go back to the old me and start using again.”“That’s always the hard part, I think. It’s easy to get clean when you’re away. She was the center, of course, but Laura knew that Damon was also looking forward to this new woman, this stunning white lesbian his girl had been fooling around with, whose apartment they were in."I only have wine and vodka tonic," Laura said."Is that vodka thing what you made me when I was here before?" Tiffany asked.Laura nodded."Okay, I'll have one of those." She flirted ostentatiously with Laura. "Make it strong. It'll get my courage up."Laura smiled at Damon. "How about your 'courage'?"He. In the movie Willie Wonka, one scene involves a ride in the Wonkamobile, at the end of which they get clean in the "hsawaknow", which as Willy Wonka explains, is Wonkawash spelled backwards. Only I went through something forwards, backwards, sideways and inside out all at the same time. There was a single moment in time when I felt, flat as a shadow, or smaller than an atom, or ... something. Even today I cannot find words to describe it. The apprehension I felt inside my bubble of calm reminds.
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