The coffee is shaking. A flood of fear rushes through me and the stairs look different somehow. Adrenaline is painting them in fierce detail. I’m ov...r-caffeinated and my hearts pounding. I can’t. I can’t. I’m going to spill it. I take a seat and put the coffee down. Maybe if I collect myself. Deep breaths. Anxiety attack. I stride for the stairs in a cool motion. Up one step. No. I turn to the kitchen. Two cups down the drain. That kind of fear isn’t normal. I’ve never had an anxiety attack. My status and identity at present are both a bitiffy, but that's what I'm writing this about.You see, a man like me - like I used to be, I mean - gets usedto having pretty much anything he wants. And after going throughone messy divorce and another messy "palimony" suit, broughtagainst me by an ex-girlfriend, I decided that I wanted femalecompanionship on my terms, free of legal encumbrances andunwanted emotional demands. I didn't want to visit brothels orhave Call Girls over, because I'm a man. I could scream. I could run next door. Instead, I quietly closed the door.I took a deep breath and I turned and looked at him. I looked at that smug look on his face. I could see that he knew I would do anything he told me to do.He wiggled his finger at me and I walked slowly over to where he stood. He pulled me close and kissed me. I stood there, passively, until he slapped my ass. I obeyed that unspoken order. I returned his kiss. And instantly I felt the heat start to return. I felt the. ... Oh thank you.. Yes, yes, I'll be waiting."I hung up and walked to the bathroom to beautify my hair and face and make myself smell nice. Might as well use the new tools the department had given me. Men were men, but techies were often desperate... Let me be the answer to their dreams. If it got me what I wanted.***I had fluffed up my newly curled hair and done an expert job of bedroom make-up. Smoky seductive eyes and deep red glossed lips; a dusting of dark blush and a spray of *Cashmere.
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