It’s been four long years since I had another man fuck me and I now feel marvellous. Anytime you want me the same way, just say so and I’ll drop m... shorts in an instant.’ It warmed my heart to hear him say that. ‘Do…do…might…oh hell. Bob. Can…can we, can I do the same to you? I’ll understand if you say no, but….’ His voice trailed away and again, as he looked up at me I saw the look in his eyes, wanting, hoping that I would say yes. I stroked his hair and then his face. ‘Yes John,’ I said. We had tried getting people to pay us for sex but the money wasnt much so we probably had to sell something to get us out of the loop. I remembered an ad I saw and spent the day searching the porn sites for it then went to a pay phone and rang up the number. When John got home I carefully broached the subject telling him I had found a way to get us out of debt. I told him there was a job going making 12 sex movies and having an audience for each one, there would be a different movie each night. ‘Strip club, meat market, sports bar — you pick, and I’ll drink the memories away with you,’ Carl offered. He sounded as happy as I. There was nothing I wanted more that moment. ‘Sports. I need a friend and alcohol. It will be a few months before I can look at a woman without frowning.’ Of course, I was exaggerating, but I truly needed a testosterone night. There was a hockey game tonight. A few craft beers, and some zealous cross checking fit my mood. I wanted to forget the last four years.. I found the squeeze tube of oil in the case, so I lubed the blades. I attached the long cutter guard. The guard turned the electric razor into a trimmer. I took a drink of the shine and started the motor. When I cut my hair all off before, I was in a different place than at that moment. I wanted it to look like something this time. The last time I hadn't cared.I ran the trimmer over my head several time, and in every possible angle. When I was finished I ran my hand over it to be sure I hadn't.
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