Then he approach the table where Dent Martin held court.“Sir? You are looking for guards for wagon trains? I should like to apply.”“You have no ...un”“My guns are in the room I have taken. The city ordnance at the railway station said ‘no guns’” Martin lifted his jacket to show his revolver.“You always so law abiding kid?”“Not if it will get me the job”“Why you so keen? You’ll probably get killed.” Martin tended to present the pessimistic case to enthusiastic greenhorns, whether they were. I needed that permission. I craved that permission.Although I am an experienced lover, I have not abandoned myself to the depth and the darkness that I know exists in woman. I feel it like a smouldering dormant volcano inside of me. It writhes and coils when I am involved in a seduction, then at the moment of consummation, I feel the fear that results in restraint that most women experience sometimes, or all of the time. Then I give myself to my lover in a submissive willingness that is a lie. They say Irolled over the car and subsequently the street but Ican’t remember any of that.I don’t really remember anything between feeling theimpact and feeling my arm being set before a cast wasapplied. That hurt. After that it’s all a blur againthough, until after I woke up a day or maybe two later,in a fresh clean hospital bed with no cards or flowersaround me. It wasn’t long before a nurse came to checkon me. She seemed pleased that I had woken – apparentlyI. ”The guy grinned at me, his gaze travelled slowly up and down my body making me feel uncomfortable.“That’s ok miss, just let us know if there’s a problem.” With one final leer he left.Closing the door quickly I lent back on it and breathed deeply. Fancy looking at me like that, what did he think I was, gay or something?That gave me a pause for thought. I mean, to me I was a guy and the thought of being stared at by another guy sort of upset me. But to the world I was a girl, so if I caught.
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