I reached the footpath and started the slow walk to the first key. I hadgone about 100 yards when I heard a car door close, I looked back butsaw no on..., I continued slowly along the path. All of a sudden I saw abright light in front of me, getting quickly closer, shit a cyclist. Ihad no where to run even if I could, the chains were easily visible andclinked quite loudly as I walked. I turned my back so the cyclist wouldnot see the ball gag and I stopped...he went past me, that is when I sawa. The most would come of it was a fuck, and I don't think the reality could beat the fantasy I'd built.I live on the far side of the complex, the last apartment on the second floor. I don't have anyone living next to me, that apartment has been vacant for a while, and the one just down from that had a whole bunch of junk on the balcony cluttering it up so much I could see over it and whoever lived in the next apartment down couldn't see me over it. If anyone saw me it would be him but he was on. ”After waiting for several minutes in the car, my father started to get impatient. He looked back at me and grumbled, “go see what’s taking your sister so long”.Reluctantly, I worked my way back out of the car and headed towards the dorm. After looking around some of the hallways for Alex, I heard her voice coming from one of the rooms. Just as I was about to reach the doorway of the room she was in, I realized she was talking to a boy.I stopped short of the room, not wanting to interrupt, but. I allowed the cool, almost cold wall to prop me up and I tried to draw that coldness into me, into the broken pieces of my heart. I wanted it to strengthen me, to freeze me, make me hard and numb against the world. I knew that without that coldness, without that numbness, I was going to fall apart. If I didn't let that coolness in, I was going to fall apart, a wreck of a man.Not for the first time in the past 24 hours, I thought about how I'd gotten here. I thought about what had led me to this.
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